Four Ways to Preserve Your Humanity When Stressed
“There is a really deep well inside me. And in it dwells God. Sometimes I am there, too … And that is all we can manage these days and also all that really matters: that we safeguard that little piece of You, God, in ourselves.”
We’re living with chronic levels of high stress right now:
Clergy who were lauded for their creative, tireless efforts to provide Holy Week and Easter services online are now vilified by the same parishioners, who advocate for a different safety protocol for worship than their clergy.
Clergy who are seizing this moment in history to proclaim the dignity of every human being—because, in fact, Black Lives do Matter—are receiving threats of pledges withheld and membership withdrawn.
Clergy are not engaged in many of the ministries that bring them joy. As we continue social distancing clergy deeply miss the human interaction and full, in-person worship.
In addition, none us had “video production and editing” included as a clause in our ordination vows, and yet, this is now assumed to be part of the job for many.
We know, and are hopefully practicing, “all the things” for self-care and stress prevention. But this is more stress than routine self-care measures can manage.
When we’re under this kind of stress, our body releases stress hormones that interfere with our executive functioning—our ability to make thoughtful, strategic decisions.
As a result, we know we have a ton of work to do, but we don’t know what to do right now to move forward. In other words, we know we’ve wandered away from that deep well of God within, but we don’t know how to find our way back.
Four strategies to bring our executive functioning back online
This isn’t a to-do list but rather suggestions to pause the surge of fight-or-flight hormones so we can re-enter a thinking state.
These are practical ways to regulate body and mind
Rather than panicking and running farther away from the sacred well, we can stop, get our bearings, scan the horizon, spot the well, and make our way back—crawling all the way, if necessary.
These suggestions are for you, but not only for you because your listeners are in the same situation. They too need tools to manage their abnormally high levels of stress.
You can even take these on as a common parish practice—so that you can all drink from the common sacred well and remain intact together.
Strategy 1: Go to God
It is in no one’s best interest—including God’s—to have you remain in a state of anger or anxiety, because in that state, you’re unable to engage ministry with your whole heart, mind, and spirit.
God’s waiting to give you a break, so give God the chance.
Pray a mantra (like a verse or phrase or the Jesus Prayer: “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me, a sinner) while walking or standing in one place and swaying side to side
Rub a prayer rock or beads between your fingers
Pull out a prayer app (I use one that literally has a menu choice called “emergency calm” that can be set for three or more minutes for guided breathing)
Have a list of favorite psalms at the ready, and write one out by hand.
Strategy 2: Get It Out
The more we hold our anxieties in, the more the stress eats us from the inside out.
So be creative with it. Use the stress against itself:
Journal: write about what worries you or has hurt you, processing until you find some peace
Who’s your favorite bible prophet? Rewrite their entire story, beginning to end, verse by verse, as if they were prophesying in today’s context.
Write a sonnet, song lyrics, or modern parable
Sketch, paint, scribble, or color your emotions. Express the anxiety you feel or the peace you seek.
Is there an autumn flower or vegetable you can plant and tend, allowing yourself to be immersed in soil and seed?
Turn on music and let yourself be soothed and carried by the lyrics or melody.
Head to the kitchen and bake, cook, or knead something nourishing into existence for you and yours. Add music or a podcast—whatever is most likely to soothe the soul.
Prepare “the perfect comeback of kindness.” Many of us lack the capacity to think quickly on our feet when we are the recipients of others’ stress. We don’t want to exacerbate the situation, but we might find inspiration from Romans 12:20: “No, ‘if your enemies are hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them something to drink; for by doing this you will heap burning coals on their heads’” What “burning coals of kindness” might you draft to have at the ready to say in your own head—or maybe even out loud—when needs arise?
For example, I wrote my first-ever sonnet a week ago. I was struck by the title of Elizabeth Barrett-Browning’s poem, “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.” I heard in my inner ear, “How must I forgive thee? Let me count the ways.”
I found the parameters for sonnets online and set my hand to it. It was useful to have a pattern, a boundary of lines, stressed syllables, and a rhyming pattern to work from so I didn’t have so many decisions to make for myself. The sonnet “recipe” gave me a challenge I could meet that offered respite for my soul in the face of so many challenges I can’t meet. Moreover, it allowed me to focus on the pithy and precise expression of my feelings—and helped me articulate the need for a very great deal of forgiveness that I, and we all, will be counting for a long time to come.
Tend to Your Body
Your body needs rest, movement, nutrition, hydration, repeat. This is non-negotiable.
Often, an unmet physical need will manifest as despair, lashing out, or a feeling of just not being able to go on. Ask any parent of a toddler.
So when you’re stuck in overwhelm and not sure where to start, check in with your body:
Am I hungry? What kind of food will nurture my body right now?
Do I need a glass of water?
Do I need a nap?
Have I left my chair and screen to move or, even better, get outside today?
If finding the will to address those needs feels impossible, here are some extra “treats” to be pulled out when the ordinary is not cutting the mustard:
Guilt-free indulgences. Freeze cups of your most favorite yogurt (mine would be Noosa salted caramel) for a special treat that won’t go bad and won’t set you up for a sugar crash.
Create incentives. Have some special exercise clothes or equipment that are only pulled out when you need to move but can’t quite get going. For example, I hold in reserve an extra comfy yoga outfit that makes me want to practice yoga just so I can put those clothes on. If all else fails, the thought of how comfortable I’ll feel provides the incentive. Maybe it’s a favorite pair of colorful socks for walking shoes, or an outdoor trail for just “those” occasions.
“Oh, the Places You’ll Go!” Plan a trip for when the pandemic is over. Whether local, in-state, or around the globe, get online and plan your great escape.
Lose your mind. Have a pile of coffee-table books you never look at? Pick the third book on the stack, start on page 37, and for the next ten minutes look at every fifth page thereafter. See what wonders of science, art, or travel might call you away just long enough to offer new perspectives.
Collaborate Creatively & Constructively
One side effect of stress is withdrawal. We may isolate ourselves from others just when we need others more than ever.
Especially when we’re at odds with others, it’s tempting to see them as no longer being on “the same side,” though we’re all on the same human side in need of God’s grace.
There’s nothing like collaboration to remember we’re all doing our best under trying circumstances.
Create Something—Together
For example:
Secret pray-ers: Ask parishioners to opt-in. One coordinator randomly assigns one person to pray for another. The pray-er pledges to pray specifically for the other for one month at least once a week, and keeps a journal of the prayers offered. At the end of the month the journal is emailed (or maybe even better, snail-mailed) to the recipient. Repeat.
Collaborative word clouds: There are free, interactive word cloud generators that update in real time, like mentimeter.com. In your parish newsletter send an email to parishioners with a question from silly to serious. For example, “What’s your favorite ice cream?” “Coffee, tea, or water?” “Which is your favorite book of the bible?” “What gives you hope?” (Note: if you get “inappropriate responses,” there is a profanity filter.) The answers are anonymous, but they’ll still be getting to know one another better and see each other as human beings.
Collaborative poetry: Once you have a word cloud generated, you could start a collaborative poem. For instance, if one week the question is “What gives you hope,” the second week someone starts the poem by writing a sentence that includes one or more of the generated words. The next person uses other generated words to write the second sentence, and so on. Rhyming can be optional. (http://mentimeter.com has the option to create “flowing” text that’s great for this purpose.) You could use this same idea to create a digital photo collage based on a theme.
Make the world a better place—together
Changing the world isn’t only about grand gestures. Sometimes changing the world starts with a simple reminder of who we are: people in need of grace.
Hold a Zoom session where everyone present writes thank you notes to local firefighters or people who work behind the scenes, like the cleaning staff at the local hospital or public school.
Plan for your next Habitat for Humanity build by collecting names and fundraising now.
Create a “kind-o-meter.” You know those display-board thermometers that get colored in to show the amount of money raised for a cause? Do the same thing by having people report the number of kind thoughts or actions they give to others. (Double the points when offering kind words to telemarketers, campaign pollsters, highway toll collectors, and anyone else who usually expects the opposite in their line of work.)
Host a parish-wide free giveaway. Host this event outdoors organized like a garage sale, with parishioners donating new or gently-used items to be given away to any in need. Or, organize a donation caravan when parishioners load their cars with goods and head to the local donation center. (You might coordinate this with the center so they know you’re coming!)
One Who’s Gone Before Us
Etty Hillesum, the author of the quote at the top of this post, wrote this in her early 20’s. She was one of millions of Jews imprisoned and eventually killed by Nazis.
Her book—a collection of her journal and letters written while held at the Westerbork deportation center—remains in my personal canon as some of the most profound spiritual literature ever written.
Those years in her hometown of Amsterdam, she watched humanity unravel to create among the most heinous conditions the world has known.
She knew she walked a tightrope daily lest she allow her own humanity unravel and become another of the terrified bullies who believed their survival depended on another’s capitulation.
Etty returned daily to the force that held her humanity—her heart, compassion, and vulnerability—in tact: the deep well of God inside of her.
Sometimes, as she says, that was all she could manage: to visit and safeguard that little piece of God in herself.
This work matters.
May you continue to nurture that little piece of God in yourself, too.